The Unexpected and the Expected

Well, we got some very bad news on June 12, 2011. My grandma unexpectedly passed away. I got the phone call from my mom in the evening that Nannie was rushed to the hospital. We made emergency arrangements to leave that morning at 5am to Fresno to be with my Aunt Teresa. An hour and half later, I got the call that she had passed. We kept our plans to leave the next morning.

This has been very hard on the family that was close to her. This was so unexpected. We all thought the same thing. We thought when she would pass it would be from some sort of sickness and we would have time to say goodbye. I know I shouldn't, but I have been beating myself up for not making a visit at the end of May like I had planned. I had to cancel because Mrf's bday was right around the corner and I needed to extra money. Making the trip would not have been a logical financial move on my part. I never got the chance to say one last goodbye. That bothers me a lot. When I look at her pictures, I have the hardest time with the thought that I won't see her again until I die. For the first week of her passing, I kept waking up in the middle of the night looking for her.




But it is getting better, finally. The 2 major people to help me get through all of it has been Phil and Mrf. Phil is great with snapping me out of my little moments of thought. I just kinda disappear for a little while it feels like. Just the other day, we were in the car (he was driving) and the radio station went out and we were listening to fuzz. I didn't realize it until Phil had asked me why I didn't change the station. Then it dawn on me I was listening the fuzz for a while but not really hearing it. The day I got back from Fresno, I drove us to get a late dinner. That was a bad idea. If Phil would not have been in the car, I would have ran a stop light. That was how deep I was falling into my mind. Like I said though he good at snapping me out of it. I does funny goofy stuff to get me to laugh again, he also asks me if I am okay. He gives me the chance to talk if I need to.

As soon as I got Mrf, I was snapping out of it way better. Having him back and all of his love and cuddles made it way easier to live a normal life. I am first and for most a mom so I had to be a mom instead of moping around. Mrf misses her too. Last night he woke up in the middle of the night crying for her. This has really surprised me being that he really didn't see her that often. Well it is apparent that the time they did spend together was special to him and he loved her dearly.

One of my biggest fears is that I am going to forget her voice. Since Phil lost all of his Grandparents I asked him if he still remembers their voice. He told me he did and that made me feel a lot better. I wish there is a "how to" on all this stuff. I went from sad, to mad, to denial, and back on to sad. All in the like one week...RIP Pamela J. (Joy for those who know)Kain. We miss you dearly. LOL (Lots of Love)

Now for some good news: Well, kinda. My 30th birthday is tomorrow! There is absolutely no turning back now!!! It is weird to think that at my age my mom had a 12 year old (me). I mean crazy, sometimes I still feel like a 12 year old at this ripe ol' age! I feel like at my age though, I am a full on adult. All my mistake are my fault, but all of my accomplishments are my right doing. I finally have to own up to EVERYTHING. So on to the next 30! At this rate I will be celebrating my 60th the day after tomorrow cuz TIME FLIES!

Looking Forward to a Wonderful Summer

Spring has sprung! I have a lot of different things I want to do this summer with Mrf. We are going to start our new garden next weekend if the weather is permitting. The number one thing we are planting is PUMPKINS! I am hoping to get enough pumpkins to give to all of Mikey's cousins. So we will need 7 of them. Next item is sunflowers. I love how a sunflower can bring life to garden. And then, tomatoes and peppers. Since this is my first official garden, we are starting off small. In the flowers beds, I want to do poppy's.

We are hitting the beach a lot this summer too! I have a Kmart rewards card and it totally paid off. I racked up $14.00 in the rewards saving so when i went to go buy my beach chair, I got it for 75 cents! I just paid tax. I love deals like that. Practically free! Being a single mom, I will taking savings any where I can get them. I even clip coupons now. If you do it right, it is worth the time.

So Mrf is almost 5 now! We are getting him into Kindergarten this year. He has these wonderful creative conversations. And totally has an opinion of his own. I have an issue with him back talking and his major issue with wanting to disagree about everything. It sometimes gets to the point were I won't speak with him until he acts better. But it is all part of growing up I guess...

My family life is really crazy right now, but if you know us you know what is up. It was the 1 year anniversry of my niece accident. So I was not looking forward to reliving that day. I was glad it was on April Fool's cuz I turned the day around with a good prank on my mom. Lol. I changed my profile status from "In a relationship" to "Engaged." Knowing my Aunt would call my mom as soon as she saw it. My mom flipped out saying, "He never talked to your dad! He never asked for your hand!" I had her thinking I was taking off to Vegas before Phil leaves for the season to work. Then when she was about to cry, I said: "Mom you know me well enough to not be surprised when I say, "April Fools!" After that she was pissed. Haha. It was great. Love ya mom!

Finally got my own Laptop, so I will be blogging away again!

First off, I wish I had more readers. But oh well!

LIFE IS GREAT! I have been working hard to post that! I still have my Lab Tech job and currently still enjoy it very much.

I completed another goal. I moved to Rio Del Mar/Aptos. We rent a little studio and love it here!

My new car has been in two accidents :( both the other parties fault, but it is all good. I was super bummed about the recent accident cuz two days before it happened, Phil had my windows tinted as a Valentines Day gift. I get my car back tomorrow.

Mrf will be getting ready for Kindergarden! Getting too big too fast! He always has tons of questions. And I have recently come to the conclusion that he is really the best conversationalist in a car ride!

This one is a short blog cuz I have Mrf here now, but I wanted to say hi if anyone is out there reading this.

The New Car Is Working Out

So after help from my dad, I got the down payment saved up and I made my first car payment. It felt good. Now only 35 more to go! :) Some day soon I will get more pics up here, but the weather has been so crappy. It is nice knowing that if I have to commute 45 minutes that I now have a car that is safe and has great gas milage. I put in no more than 30 bucks a week in gas. That is nice.

Work has been okay. Kinda slow somedays and busy on others. But I still have steady jobs and that is all that matters. They are teaching me the Rimlon jobs right now. I like learning something new.

Mikey is doing great. I love watching the development stages from 3 to 4. I mean they really do go from toddler to child in less than a year and it is amazing. I miss being more involved in school with him. But that is what I have to do cuz I work 9-6 and he is in school 8:30 to 11:30. I found that school has really helped him to open up. Mikey knows how to spell his name and was so stoked to hear him do it.

Phil's and I's trip to Hearst Castle was amazing. That place is so neat. I loved being able to go around someone's castle and see how they lived. I never really got to spend any time in that area before. A really nice and quite place. I really didn't want to leave. Just that whole weekend was perfect with him. With Phil everything seems too perfect all the time, I am just waiting for the ax to drop. I am amazed by how much I have fallen in love with him. Never felt quite like this before. I fell so vulnerable and weak. Something I don't like. LOL. But I quess thats love for ya.

This Mountain Mama Bought Herself Her First New/Used Car

As you all know, I have had the WORST car luck of anyone I know! It never began at my recent car. It started with the first car I ever bought. This 1986 Audi. There was so many problems, and a problem I choose to forget. Then the Ford LTD. Then I finally got a good car and it was a Honda, but if you know me, you know my ex crashed it while getting a DUI. And that is how I ended up with the Grand AM. It was free and my parents gave it to me. So I never really could complain until this last year is when I was having way tooooooo many problem with it.

So I knew after Phil helped me get my car out of the mud I was going to go to a dealer that weekend and just see what we can do. Well, I followed my instinct Saturday and had faith. I went to the place where I rented a car 2 weeks ago. I talk to the owner and I ended up choosing a 2007 Ford Focus. It is clean, has very low miles (44000) and has been maintained for the fact that it was a rental car.

That Sunday morning my Dad and I drove down there and he test drove it and we both decided that it just might be a good little car for me. Tomorrow morning I am meeting with the dealer to get the paper work taken care of. The dealer is gonna have it serviced once more before and then deliver it to me by Wednesday.

It may not be the Red Convertable Mini Cooper I want, but I look at it as a stepping stone. In a couple of years I can trade it in and get the Coop if I still want it.

Do I see the light at the end of the tunnel? Maybe...

Life Gave Me Lemons, But God Gave Me The Lemonade!

***Okay, first off I need to say sorry about any typos. I am usually writing these things with a toddler at my feet giving me lots of distractions. That is why I usually never get to proof read***

Now the Lemons:

We all know 3 weeks ago my gas was stolen out of my car. Then 2 weeks ago my car broke down. Well guess what it was this week!!! Wednesday morning my car got stuck in the mud at my boyfriends house.

So the night before he tells me, "You should move your car you might get stuck in the mud." Me being me and not wanting to bother, I didn't do it. Got up the next morning and I couldn't move my car. It had sunk all the way to the bumper. Not good at all. So I had to wake up Phil and have him give me a ride to work.

While at work, I was so stressed out. I mean Phil didn't need this. He has bad hands and he is sick AND he needed to finish doing a small remodel on his bathroom AAAANNNDDD he need to focus on something else he was doing. I knew that was the least of his wants that day. He met me for lunch and told me that he couldn't get it out. That his sister's truck got stuck while trying to pull out my car. And that his mom called a tow truck driver on her insurance cuz it was free.

Boy did I feel bad.

And boy did I finally see the light.

I need a new car. This was not only my problem it was everyone else's problem.

So my lemons: The gas situation, breaking down, and the mud.

The lemonade: The locking gas cap,my dad helping me get a rental, my sister's boyfriend fixing my car, my boyfriend being patient and being there when I need him.

Thank you everyone who has been helping my along the path of single motherhood!

My Car Took A Dump

So last Thursday morning I walked up to my car and noticed the gas door was open on my car. Thinking that I might have left it open cuz prior to that morning I had gotten gas. Well, I firgured out the hard way that my gas had been stolen.

Then yesterday, my car broke down. Started leaking coolant and now my sister's boyfriend is working on it.

My dad helped me to get a rental. But I have been asking my self A LOT, "When will this end?"